He Loves me…..


This past weekend was filled with emotions that I can not describe. I traveled to Monroe,Louisiana for a women’s conference. Now I must admit, I talked myself out of this trip all week. I kept saying….”I’m gonna be tired…maybe I should stay…catch up and go to that party Saturday night instead.” I laugh now…because I realize that party wouldn’t have given my spirit the replenishment I needed. No…that party would have only reminded me of the absent man in my life…it would have only made me meet another “sad love song”…passing my number out to another lifeless person who would then leave me singing “How come you don’t call me”….you see…at this conference I was reminded of Who I am. Who I belong to…and what my purpose is. I am finding that I have the incredible gift of comfort to someone who is hurt…I have this amazing ability to meet someone and immediately can tell them..”who ever is hurting you…God is taking care of it”…God has given me the gift of healing through motivating people to their potential. As tears rolled down my face saturday…I held a woman of the same age in my arms…by feeling her hurts…I suddenly forgot about all my petty complaints..this woman was my age but looked like she had been through so many storms ..a woman who felt such torture on her soul ..a woman who looked at me and figured I never experienced hurt…however..when I held her she knew…I just went through it too. The power of prayer Saturday was something like I never seen. As selfish as I was early in the week…I realized God wanted to use me in a productive way. He wanted me to help someone else start their “Journey to freedom”….I shake my head in disbelief…at where God is taking me. Yeah…so what I’m not engaged….so what I’m not pregnant with my first child….right now…I truly have to wipe those societal schedules out of my head. Obviously God has other plans for me. Obviously I’ve been preoccupied with the wanting and desire to have someone love me. From being an actress on a stage..having an audience say they love me….from staying too long in a unhealthy relationship. …convincing a man to love me…to going to college cause I wanted my parents to be proud…so they would love me…for going to these parties..clubs..drinking that drink he gives me with hopes after I chug it…well maybe then he too will love me. For compromising my body for that one night..cause maybe after I share my body…yeah..maybe he will love me… For conforming to what society Says I should be…a size 8..a small waist and big booty…just so someone  out there will love me. Well….after this weekend…none of those things can matter to me any more. The main reason I am here..still breathing…is because a Man came…and saved my life. He didn’t manipulate me..He didn’t force me to do anything…He didn’t Charm me with a smile..didn’t try to give me game…This Man Died for me. HE LOVED me before He even knew me. HE decided to protect me…and I now know what Real love should feel like. So what…my apartment is quiet..and it gets lonely…but then I remember this Man who gives me comfort with out guilt or regrets…This incredible love…I can call Him and he Always answers…He is Jealous for me..and reminds me im beautifully and wonderfully made in His eyes. It’s amazing how changing my mind from going to a party…to traveling with my Mentor to a foreign place to serve other hurting women could totally change my outlook on the Life Christ has given me. This life ain’t about me…it’s not about a fairytale…falling in love and living happily ever after….However it’s starts with recognizing the true Love of Christ…He chose to die…so that I May live with joy..and have the heart to serve and help others..not to have temporary happiness. This weekend I was reminded of where my focus should be. I don’t need the world to love me…at the end of the day…the One who loves me unconditionally is the One who saved my life. This is my Love story…and it’s not the norm….and…I’m finally getting to a place where I’m ok with that.  My question is…Who is Loving you?


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6 thoughts on “He Loves me…..

  1. Thanks sis for sharing your story. God sure used you in such a way! I needed to hear every word. Praying for the journey that God is taking you. 🙂


  2. I’m looking forward to hearing your complete praise report from your journey. Keep allowing the Lord to use you.


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