I don’t have to have it….

So…. my younger sister put me on to watching the series “She’s gotta have it.” The series is a “30 years later” spin off from the original Spike Lee Joint. It had me thinking quite a bit. Yes, the show is funny, and the soundtrack is Hella dope…brought back memories of the 80s-90s Era. However, the longer I watched it, the longer it dawned on me that unfortunately this show gives a true reflection of women and dating in 2017. You have girls today singing songs by Sza.. “my man is your man is her man too”… it’s like where the hell are we? When did women become this lost in translation? When did it become ok to glorify the “Mary Jane’s,” to applaud the “Olivia Popes”,and to root for Ghost’s wife in the show “Power”. It’s like everything we hear or see is expected to be acceptable. I don’t know, but maybe I’m more conservative than I thought. Forgive me for growing up watching women like Phylicia Rashaad, Debbie Allen, Angela Bassett. These women inspired me to be strong… but never overpowering. These women showed me to have honor, class, humor, brains…. very much like the women in my family, especially my mom. I guess my questions are null and void in 2017…since now it’s totally normal to be the girl for “the weekend”. I guess it’s totally ok to never be acknowledged as more than some sexual being. As a woman… lately I’ve taken note of how many times I’ve been disrespected because of my sex. It’s crazy that the man who unfortunately holds the title of President sees women as mere objects. Even our buddy Matt Lauer proved to be outrageously out of line. Listen, I’m no saint, but what I’m not about to do is allow what I hear and see on tv/radio impact my daily journey. Sure It’s tempting, to live with no convictions… looks so appetizing sometimes. Sure I’d love to be heartless like Mary Jane, and sleep with who ever and have no feelings. Sure, I’ve fantasized about having affairs like Olivia Pope. And absolutely, I considered and tried to be the girl who was only good for the “weekend”. But then, reality hit me and thankfully I’m fulfilled already. I’m so glad I don’t go home sad because my bed has extra space. I get Joy thinking about my dreams and how im so close to seeing them coming true. I respect all this amazing work being produced, but I truly have received confirmation that my story has yet to be told. No I ain’t the girl that’s ” gotta have it”24-7. You live and you learn, and thankfully I’m able to stand on my 2 feet with out many regrets. Of course you’ll always have those “What the hell was I thinking?”moments. But as I approach 33.. I’m glad I can proudly say I’m not “Being Mary Jane”. Im even more excited to not have to feel empty anymore. I don’t miss wanting someone to make me feel worth something. I’m so glad I don’t have to prove my worth either. I just wake up, grind, dream, love, learn and bask in this beautiful brown skin. I love that I’m already fulfilled, that I remain top shelf quality. That I can’t be sold in stores, that not everyone gets a piece, that I’m a fine dining experience not a buffet. Listen, it took me over 4 years to get here, so don’t read this as if I’m being arrogant. If anything, let this post inspire you. Yes, you queen….sis… what ever you feel you are, know that you are a woman that’s worth more than being a weekend girl. You don’t have to be this Mary Jane…Olivia pope…these hopeless characters who continue to waste their coconut oil on worthless men. No ladies, we don’t “have” to have it… we are more than objects that are here to please the male species. I’m not saying to be this sad single girl with 1000 cats. But I’m saying, we are worth someone looking us in our eyes and actually caring about us. We don’t have to allow our minds to be influenced by the careless mentality of… “I’ll just give myself to whoever will take it” type.

We gotta realize one day that it’s never what it’s cracked up to be. So no… I don’t have to have it.. no I don’t have to succumb to being this chick on the weekend… and no boo.. your man ain’t my man… smh… what kinda ish is that? Sistas wake the hell up…and quick. Stop letting these twisted messages get you caught up and stuck. Please… remember the Jasmine guy’s, Nia longs, Lauren hill’s, the A Keys.. the natural beauties that paved the way. These are just a few of the women I looked up to that I felt didn’t have to compromise who they were in Hollywood to make it. Thanks for letting me vent…and know that this message was not meant to down any of the new artist or shows that are out. I just needed to speak on my truth….and reflect on what I no longer will accept going into 2018. I hope this post made you realize that you beautiful women and even you handsome men possess way more than your sexuality.

We were created intricately and uniquely. So Find your passions, let your talents speak, and may you carry your head up high as if you’ve got some damn sense. I’m sorry to be so brute about this… but I think about my incredibly beautiful younger sister and her generation. I think of my girls who are out here doing their best to be great. I think about my brilliant niece, and my future daughter if ever I’m able to be blessed with one. It’s just an interesting time for women. I hate that I can say “me too”…as it pertains to being a victim of harassment when I was in college. However, I’ll never let that experience hinder me from love. I love myself enough to know that eventually the man who gets blessed with me…will Thank God incessantly for being able to find this amazing diamond in the rough. But until then… this woman right here will continue discovering the many awesome wonders this journey has to offer. You are either with it or you are not…so choose wisely loves. Below are some of the beautiful women that Im so blessed to have in my life. Love you Ladies!

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